When I hang out with Amanda I realize that I definitely have some OCD tendencies. I usually wake up in the morning needing a plan. It drives her NUTS. She lives life on the edge. She doesn't wrote lists on post it notes. She doesn't even know exactly when her kids are going to nap that day. Oh my just writing that made me anxious.
Being around her though empowers me. I love that she can just go with the flow. She gets a call at 10 am one day asking if she wants to go to the zoo, and she GOES!! I could never do that. In my head a series of alarms would be going off. When will Ame nap? Will we eat there or pack lunches? But they are still in their pajamas? Have we even checked the weather? What about the long drive down there? Ame might cry. Amanda will have thought of none of this. She accepts in a heartbeat and figures it out as the day progresses. I actually do consider myself a calm, peaceful person but when I think about what goes into planning my day there is no way that I am. God doesn't want us sitting around pondering things for hours. He wants to help us and lead us through our day. Yes, a little bit of structure is a good thing but I think it has hindered me from doing things. Even know with Amelie I think of all the steps before I go and do something. I have finally had enough. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to have a plan. I can say that the last few days have been so amazing. I have accepted every request to go and do something. I make sure I get out before Ame's nap and after. I was feeling overwhelmed with my workouts and feeling like I had to do them first thing in the morning or else. Lately as long as I do them by the afternoon then I am fine. If I am so worried about the exact events of the day then I miss out on the hidden treasures that Jesus has for us. I have figured out that as long as I make time in my day to pray, workout and have one on one time with Ame then I am a happy person. I want to feel free more. That I am not boggled down by day to day things. I want to let God lead me and not the other way around. I want to feel true peace.
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