The struggle with not working

 I cannot get up everyday thinking that my life doesn't account for anything just because I don't have a job. I have to remember that I am doing an amazing thing in God's eyes. I am submitting to my husband and sacrificing so much for his desires. I am leaving everything to God and allowing him to show me the way. I have to get up everyday and put a smile on my face and know that I am very important. If it weren't for my acceptance in this change Andy and I would be in Indiana miserable because I was trying to be selfish.

Now this is a tough struggle weekly for me. Sometimes I get up and battle with myself, which I think is due to the evil devil. He wants me to suffer everyday and think I am worthless. I know then that I have to say a prayer and get on with my day. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and not move. I get angry and just want to see my family. I don't even want to get out of bed for coffee because I am mad. Although I know I have too. I have to get out of bed, brush my teeth and get outside. Someone might look at this and think I am very dramatic. I know this is way FAR worse situations then this. That is also what gets me through my lonely days. My husband could be in Iraq. I could have 3 kids. I could have cancer. I could live far away forever. As this does help me everyday I still live in MY reality. No one can judge until they are put in that situation. And boy have I learned that now more then ever....

I know God is working on Andy because almost everyday he comes home and is so wonderful to me. He always makes me feel so very special and that without my sacrifices we wouldn't be here. He always asks about my day. This is huge because I thought the minute I quit my job I wouldn't have anything to talk about with Andy. I knew he would talk but I would have nothing to contribute. That is so far from the truth. I get to see the wonderful things that happen day to day. I am not confined to a cubicle day in and out. Would God even want that anyway? I feel that God wants us to not work as hard. To enjoy every day as its out last, and to work to live not to live to work.