There is no doubt about it marriage is hard. If at the end of the day you want to have a love story then it is extremely hard. No one said it was easy. God says it is a sacred union. He puts marriage above everything else. God knows it is hard. He wants us to turn to him, and I thank him for that. I honestly don't know how marriages work that don't ask God to help guide them in the right way. I pray on a daily basis for so many things in my marriage. Putting a woman and man together in a house is like putting a lion in a bears cage to see who dies first. We are such opposite humans. Men and women need completely different things out of life. It is up to us to understand that and work hard at giving that to the other person.
I have noticed so many of us put our blood sweat and tears into our work and the second we come home it is lights off. How can I listen to my wife telling me about her day, when I just worked my butt off for 8 hours? God never intended for work to get into the way of our marriages. We have, in recent years, put our work lives on a pedestal and put every waking moment into that. We identify who we are buy the money we make, and the title we are given at work. Not by our relationships as husband and wives or as fathers and mothers. Work is supposed to provide for us. Not provide the 3 homes in the U.S. and the boat and jet skis for the lake rather for our basic needs. I have never been more impressed with families when I see that there are 4-5 children, a stay at home mom, and a husband that makes 40,000. They are serving the Lord. Their number one intention of being on this earth is to make him happy. Not to have 6 digits in the bank. Their focus is on each other and the families happiness.
Before we check out of our marriage and sign the divorce papers take a look at the bigger picture. Marriage is by far the most rewarding thing anyone will ever experience. It is a best friend that is always there for you. Someone to share your deepest darkest secrets with. Someone that supports you and tells you that you can and will accomplish anything you set your mind too. Someone to laugh with and cry. Someone that at the age of 80, you can look back and say life would have not been the same without the other. Someone that is so complex that you never stop learning things about them.
At the first sign of trouble we want to run for the hills. That person is messy and I tell them to be clean but they don't listen. Wasn't that person that way before you married them? We have this idea that the second we get married, our significant other is going to turn into a perfect human being with a halo around their head. If anything, the bad habits they were doing before get worse. I learned a lot in my bible study about sweating the small stuff. We have to let so much stuff go in order to have a fruitful marriage. Pride is such a big wall that we so often put up. I am very bad at this. I am quick to point out other peoples flaws but when it comes to myself I do no wrong. Marriage is filled with I am sorry.
For myself I have to remember how badly I wanted to be engaged. At that time it is the only thing I wanted. I was engaged for 9 months and it was the longest months of my life. All I wanted to do was be married. To wake up next to Andy and call him my husband. To dream about the future and the family we were going to create. To travel and explore the world together, as husband and wife.
I try and make myself look at our wedding pictures once a week. I instantly get so emotional. I see that smile on my face. I have honestly never been as happy as I was on that day. I remember thinking, I am marrying my best friend. I am 24 and found the love of my life. I am so lucky. We so quickly forget these times though. Our lives move so quickly that we naturally think of the next step in life. The marriage excitement wares off in a few months and life begins. One argument turns into 5 in that week and we start questioning things. No one ever said marriage was easy. It will be the longest marathon to the finish line of ones life. But the journey getting there will have all been worth it.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Less worry, more living
A few weeks ago I had a freak out moment. I decided I didn't want to watch television anymore. I didn't want to have a Facebook account, no more alcohol and only wanted to eat healthy food. Well no human being could do all of this in one day even if they wanted too. This is basically changing every single thing in my life in a moments time. I don't know what got me in this mind set. Looking back I had not been in my control for so long that I needed something to control. It has been a rough year for a planner like me. I have had no job and have had to re identify myself. My passion that I knew I would do for my whole life was now just a distant memory. I caught myself wanting to become someone who isn't me. I wanted to try being different because at the time I thought who I was was not working. I wasn't feeling like I was living. So what do I try to do, run from who I am. Through this discovery of trying to be someone I am not, I found a better me.
Living needs to be more of an action then a thought. Less worrying about how others might perceive us. Fixating more on balance then cutting the "thing" off completely. Isn't that making us more responsible anyway? If we take something out of our life completely then we can't hold ourselves accountable. It isn't there, so we just don't think about it anymore. Whereas, if we do have it then it is up to us to balance those things within our lives. The act of self control makes one a lot more powerful then not having to use it at all.
Andy has helped me with the balancing concept more then anyone I know. A little television didn't hurt anybody. If you want a glass of wine with every dinner then so be it. Getting on Facebook twice a day will not make you addicted to the computer. You can eat fast food once a week and not die from a heart attack. Everything is in moderation. I always used to beat myself up if I happened to watch a lot of television one day. I would think, oh my, I just wasted an entire day doing nothing. First off I enjoy television so much. I laugh, I cry, I have all the emotions that one has while reading a book. If it is a love of mine then why cut it out completely?
Living needs to be more of an action then a thought. Less worrying about how others might perceive us. Fixating more on balance then cutting the "thing" off completely. Isn't that making us more responsible anyway? If we take something out of our life completely then we can't hold ourselves accountable. It isn't there, so we just don't think about it anymore. Whereas, if we do have it then it is up to us to balance those things within our lives. The act of self control makes one a lot more powerful then not having to use it at all.
Andy has helped me with the balancing concept more then anyone I know. A little television didn't hurt anybody. If you want a glass of wine with every dinner then so be it. Getting on Facebook twice a day will not make you addicted to the computer. You can eat fast food once a week and not die from a heart attack. Everything is in moderation. I always used to beat myself up if I happened to watch a lot of television one day. I would think, oh my, I just wasted an entire day doing nothing. First off I enjoy television so much. I laugh, I cry, I have all the emotions that one has while reading a book. If it is a love of mine then why cut it out completely?
Thursday, February 23, 2012
I prefer Monday-Friday.
I never feel like I fit into my age category. I always feel at least 10 years older then I am. I have never been amused with the party scene. I prefer a drink or two, then jumping in my sweatpants and watching one of my reality shows by 10:30-11 at the latest. I always apologized for not getting wasted at the bar with friends. Oh, I am sorry I do remember what happened last night. Is that a bad thing? I didn't black out at midnight, crap, what kind of person am I? I felt myself always making up excuses for not keeping up with the crowd. It wasn't until the past year that I was confident enough to admit who I was. An old soul who has a passion for Christ and enjoys more the day to day routine then the unplanned weekend events. I know what you are thinking. Why would I not absolutely love the weekends? Well besides not seeing Andy as much as I would like during the week, I can't quite explain my love for a routine.
I lied, I can explain why I love weekdays so much. I wake up everyday around the same time, 8 or 9. Wait patiently for my coffee to brew and savor every last drop of it. Then it is time for my "job" which we will talk about later. Workout comes next, which might only mean a walk outside to get fresh air. I then tidy up a bit and next thing you know Andrew is home. The rest of the night is always so much fun, because I am with him and who knows what comes next! The expectations that come with weekends are enormous. Something exciting must be lurking around every Saturday and Sunday. You didn't climb Mt. Everest this weekend? Well then what did you do? You watched a movie and fell asleep at 10? How lame are you. I love how on the weekdays, the nights might take you for a drink and a movie and it leaves us completely satisfied. But if that were to happen on a weekend then we are not living life to the fullest. Not to mention the fact that weeknights make up 5 out of the 7 nights a week. That means 20 days out of 30. Shouldn't we be making the weeknights count? I always hear people say how dreadful Monday-Friday are but when Saturday comes, life begins. How sad of a life. I know what some of you are saying, well you don't work. Well I did used to work and I made it a point to love my job everyday. If not every second, which is not possible, I always found the little things to make that day special. Even if it was grabbing a Starbucks in the morning. I always told myself it would never be about the money. I would end my job if I wasn't happy. I would and will always be perfectly content in a one bedroom apartment. Many people settle with a job they despise. We have such limited time on this earth, why not try and make every moment exciting?
I lied, I can explain why I love weekdays so much. I wake up everyday around the same time, 8 or 9. Wait patiently for my coffee to brew and savor every last drop of it. Then it is time for my "job" which we will talk about later. Workout comes next, which might only mean a walk outside to get fresh air. I then tidy up a bit and next thing you know Andrew is home. The rest of the night is always so much fun, because I am with him and who knows what comes next! The expectations that come with weekends are enormous. Something exciting must be lurking around every Saturday and Sunday. You didn't climb Mt. Everest this weekend? Well then what did you do? You watched a movie and fell asleep at 10? How lame are you. I love how on the weekdays, the nights might take you for a drink and a movie and it leaves us completely satisfied. But if that were to happen on a weekend then we are not living life to the fullest. Not to mention the fact that weeknights make up 5 out of the 7 nights a week. That means 20 days out of 30. Shouldn't we be making the weeknights count? I always hear people say how dreadful Monday-Friday are but when Saturday comes, life begins. How sad of a life. I know what some of you are saying, well you don't work. Well I did used to work and I made it a point to love my job everyday. If not every second, which is not possible, I always found the little things to make that day special. Even if it was grabbing a Starbucks in the morning. I always told myself it would never be about the money. I would end my job if I wasn't happy. I would and will always be perfectly content in a one bedroom apartment. Many people settle with a job they despise. We have such limited time on this earth, why not try and make every moment exciting?
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Luzern, Switzerland-facing fears
I knew coming into this trip that the hotel we were staying at was 7,500 feet in the air. What I did not know was how far that actually was. It included 2 different gondolas and a 30 minute ride to the top. I am all about facing my fears in Europe and I guess this is where I should start?
My main reason for coming over here was to get out of my comfort zone. I am sick of being afraid of so much. I have always categorized myself as the scared one that always wants to stay safe. Do I want my memories to be the same thing day in and day out? Or do I want to think back to the time I was scared out of my mind sledding down a huge hill? If I am such a Christian then I should be able to do anything with his help. I have to keep reminding myself of this.
Back to the gondola. Of course my husband Andy is all about seeing how terrifying he can make the trip. He says OMG what is that noise? Or why did it just do that? All while I am gripping to the side of the gondola with my eyes shut. This is what I love about him though. We have such a fun, loving relationship. I can honestly say I fall more and more in love with him everyday. He challenges me and ensures me everything will be okay, at the same time making it fun for both of us. That is a huge reason why I married him. He is the exact opposite of me, and pulls me out of my safety net. I couldn't imagine being married to someone like myself. I would have been bored out of my mind by day 2 of the honeymoon. Andy is a dreamer and I am so thankful God put us together. I get to ride along in his dreams :)
I had no idea that a place like this even existed. I honestly think that this is what Heaven looks like. I have never been in such awe and speechless in my life. It is a place where I can sit and stare at the same mountain top for hours. In fact that is just what I did yesterday. I sat outside on a lawn chair with a blanket and stared at God's creation. I couldn't help but think this would be such a great place to pray. Sedona, Arizona is the only other place that captured me like this. I feel so close to God. To my Uncle Gary, to Andy's cousin, Brian. The list goes on but for some reason Uncle Gary and Brian are on my mind a lot. I am assuming they are my guardian angels. Why else would I think about them so often? I cannot wait to meet Uncle Gary. He is my dad's brother and meeting him has always weighed so much on my heart. I have also never met Brian. I prayed for him so much that I feel a special bond with him. Maybe it is because Andy is so effected by the loss of him.
Being above the clouds is such an amazing experience. Sure, we have been above the clouds in an airplane before. This is different. I can stare at the clouds for hours, or however long they stick around, and be perfectly content. I feel invincible in a way. That I am above everyone else. I am away from reality and all that comes with that. The way the sun reflects off the snow. The way it can be so warm during the day but so frigid at night. When the sun is setting and the sky suddenly turns to orange, blue and yellow. What a sight, what a sight. Then when the sun is away and the moon appears the stars come along. Pilatus is a place that can be loved at every hour of the day. I haven't seen stars like this since Tulum, Mexico. I never thought I would feel as close to the stars as I did there. I guess I was wrong. I can't believe this is my life. What did I do to deserve this? There are starving children everywhere and I am a top a mountain living like a billionaire. God is good.
Today I will face another fear. Sledging down a mountain. I have never skied before nor done any other snow sport. Heidi is making me go down the harder slope :( It is okay though, the 2 women that did go on the trip have bumps and bruises to make me feel better. One woman has a cut on her nose. Do you know what my sisters would say if I came home with a cut on my nose? I would be the laughing stock for days. I am already self conscious about my cheeks that are a bit chubbier, I don't need to add something to that. Well, if I don't make it back up the mountain it has been real, blogger. Thanks for being there for me.
My main reason for coming over here was to get out of my comfort zone. I am sick of being afraid of so much. I have always categorized myself as the scared one that always wants to stay safe. Do I want my memories to be the same thing day in and day out? Or do I want to think back to the time I was scared out of my mind sledding down a huge hill? If I am such a Christian then I should be able to do anything with his help. I have to keep reminding myself of this.
Back to the gondola. Of course my husband Andy is all about seeing how terrifying he can make the trip. He says OMG what is that noise? Or why did it just do that? All while I am gripping to the side of the gondola with my eyes shut. This is what I love about him though. We have such a fun, loving relationship. I can honestly say I fall more and more in love with him everyday. He challenges me and ensures me everything will be okay, at the same time making it fun for both of us. That is a huge reason why I married him. He is the exact opposite of me, and pulls me out of my safety net. I couldn't imagine being married to someone like myself. I would have been bored out of my mind by day 2 of the honeymoon. Andy is a dreamer and I am so thankful God put us together. I get to ride along in his dreams :)
I had no idea that a place like this even existed. I honestly think that this is what Heaven looks like. I have never been in such awe and speechless in my life. It is a place where I can sit and stare at the same mountain top for hours. In fact that is just what I did yesterday. I sat outside on a lawn chair with a blanket and stared at God's creation. I couldn't help but think this would be such a great place to pray. Sedona, Arizona is the only other place that captured me like this. I feel so close to God. To my Uncle Gary, to Andy's cousin, Brian. The list goes on but for some reason Uncle Gary and Brian are on my mind a lot. I am assuming they are my guardian angels. Why else would I think about them so often? I cannot wait to meet Uncle Gary. He is my dad's brother and meeting him has always weighed so much on my heart. I have also never met Brian. I prayed for him so much that I feel a special bond with him. Maybe it is because Andy is so effected by the loss of him.
Being above the clouds is such an amazing experience. Sure, we have been above the clouds in an airplane before. This is different. I can stare at the clouds for hours, or however long they stick around, and be perfectly content. I feel invincible in a way. That I am above everyone else. I am away from reality and all that comes with that. The way the sun reflects off the snow. The way it can be so warm during the day but so frigid at night. When the sun is setting and the sky suddenly turns to orange, blue and yellow. What a sight, what a sight. Then when the sun is away and the moon appears the stars come along. Pilatus is a place that can be loved at every hour of the day. I haven't seen stars like this since Tulum, Mexico. I never thought I would feel as close to the stars as I did there. I guess I was wrong. I can't believe this is my life. What did I do to deserve this? There are starving children everywhere and I am a top a mountain living like a billionaire. God is good.
Today I will face another fear. Sledging down a mountain. I have never skied before nor done any other snow sport. Heidi is making me go down the harder slope :( It is okay though, the 2 women that did go on the trip have bumps and bruises to make me feel better. One woman has a cut on her nose. Do you know what my sisters would say if I came home with a cut on my nose? I would be the laughing stock for days. I am already self conscious about my cheeks that are a bit chubbier, I don't need to add something to that. Well, if I don't make it back up the mountain it has been real, blogger. Thanks for being there for me.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Fixating on differences.
When I first landed in Switzerland I couldn't get my chin off the ground. It was complete culture shock. I couldn't understand so many things. Why do these people dress this way? Why are the kids not any where near their parents? Why is everyone so skinny? Why do they all smoke? I don't want to speak German. I like English just fine. Rooms are too small. People drink too much. I don't know how to order food. Food is my life, what am I going to do? I thought in order to live here I myself would have to change and be like them. I can't wear a Northface and sneakers. That is a dead give away that I am an American. Everyone always stares at my shoes. UGH. Get over it. I like wearing them.
The more I spend time here the more I realize that it really isn't all that different. When you take all the small things out of the equation, it is like any other city. Most everyone speaks English. A lot of restaurant menus are in English. They have Starbucks. (This is my Heaven) They have bars, movie theatres, gyms, Mcdonalds, Burger King, Nike, H and M, coffee shops, post offices etc. Even in grocery stores most of the food signs are in German and English.
If I could tell someone that moved here what to do I would say find your comfort zone within the place. Start small and then get bigger. At first I only felt comfortable going to Starbucks. It was my home away from home. Now that I know more German I feel that I can go to any shop and order a Kaffee mit Sahne. I used to not even go to the market stands in fear that there would be a language barrier. Now I go and just try my hardest to speak German. If all else fails, just point.
I have learned that there is no use in being a perfectionist in a foreign country. I won't be fluent in German for a really long time, if at all. I notice that when trying to practice speaking German to them, they want to practice English with me. We are all humans trying to learn each others way of communicating. Europeans grew up completely different then I did. I find myself saying that they are doing it WRONG. No, you are not supposed to have 4 hour dinners. Mam, your daughter is 2 weeks old and it is snowing and raining outside, take her in. Why do you guys not wear brands? It kills me. I just want to see a polo shirt, just one. Why do you think I am so weird for drinking my Starbucks while walking? Everyone in the U.S does it. Why do you guys ALWAYS dress so nice? You are just going to buy groceries. Don't you like sweatpants? You make me feel insecure. All of these questions, would be the same questions they would ask me. Instead of pointing the finger and thinking my way is right, I have learned to embrace the differences. I now step into a world of a lot more similarities then differences.
The more I spend time here the more I realize that it really isn't all that different. When you take all the small things out of the equation, it is like any other city. Most everyone speaks English. A lot of restaurant menus are in English. They have Starbucks. (This is my Heaven) They have bars, movie theatres, gyms, Mcdonalds, Burger King, Nike, H and M, coffee shops, post offices etc. Even in grocery stores most of the food signs are in German and English.
If I could tell someone that moved here what to do I would say find your comfort zone within the place. Start small and then get bigger. At first I only felt comfortable going to Starbucks. It was my home away from home. Now that I know more German I feel that I can go to any shop and order a Kaffee mit Sahne. I used to not even go to the market stands in fear that there would be a language barrier. Now I go and just try my hardest to speak German. If all else fails, just point.
I have learned that there is no use in being a perfectionist in a foreign country. I won't be fluent in German for a really long time, if at all. I notice that when trying to practice speaking German to them, they want to practice English with me. We are all humans trying to learn each others way of communicating. Europeans grew up completely different then I did. I find myself saying that they are doing it WRONG. No, you are not supposed to have 4 hour dinners. Mam, your daughter is 2 weeks old and it is snowing and raining outside, take her in. Why do you guys not wear brands? It kills me. I just want to see a polo shirt, just one. Why do you think I am so weird for drinking my Starbucks while walking? Everyone in the U.S does it. Why do you guys ALWAYS dress so nice? You are just going to buy groceries. Don't you like sweatpants? You make me feel insecure. All of these questions, would be the same questions they would ask me. Instead of pointing the finger and thinking my way is right, I have learned to embrace the differences. I now step into a world of a lot more similarities then differences.
Things take time.
I know that it is human nature to want things in that very moment. If I need a new car, I want it that day. I don't want to research different cars. I want to look at 5 and pick my favorite. I am usually like that with ordering food. The first thing I see that I really want is what I get. I don't look for anything more. This is what leads me to my blog. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to snap my fingers and have everything come in a moments time. Scientists can sometimes work their entire lives on figuring out a cure and they never quite find it. They never gave up, or thought that their time and effort meant nothing.
I know I will need a lot of Gods help with changing. Right now I am having a lot of back problems. I try taking a medicine and if I don't notice a change in the first couple days, I stop taking it. When I pray to God, I want answers that moment. I don't want to wait a month to hear him. If I ask him to change me I think I should be changed the next day. This is not how it is supposed to be. Changing oneself takes time. Evolving into a different person takes strength, courage, and prayer. I never want to be the person that thinks I have reached my full potential either. I now know in the future that if I pray for change it will take time. As long as I stay strong and continue to pray it can happen.
I know I will need a lot of Gods help with changing. Right now I am having a lot of back problems. I try taking a medicine and if I don't notice a change in the first couple days, I stop taking it. When I pray to God, I want answers that moment. I don't want to wait a month to hear him. If I ask him to change me I think I should be changed the next day. This is not how it is supposed to be. Changing oneself takes time. Evolving into a different person takes strength, courage, and prayer. I never want to be the person that thinks I have reached my full potential either. I now know in the future that if I pray for change it will take time. As long as I stay strong and continue to pray it can happen.
Communication now a days.
I can't even believe how far communication has come. I can be in Switzerland and text anyone in the entire world for free. That is mind boggling. I can skype chat when I want, which is also free. I can call from skype on my computer, which is not free for me but not a lot of money. Not to mention email, facebook, etc. I feel like whenever I get homesick I use one of the many forms of communication and I feel better.
Being 6 hours ahead is not always fun though. When it is noon here it is only 6 am in Indy. I always feel like I can't talk to my family/friends till around 3-4 my time. Then at 7 I am off to dinner. I just feel so thankful for moving to Europe in this day and age. Back in the day when family left each other they didn't get in touch nearly as often as we do. They sent letters and postcards that would often take months to reach each other.
I get on Facebook and can see what all my friends/family are doing around the world. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside :) There is also a website that I can go to and pretty much watch any television show I want. That was the biggest concern of mine. I love watching reality shows and I thought to myself how am I going to get away from these for 2 years. Well now they have a site that lets you watch anything. I just feel so blessed. I feel that I have it so much easier then past generations. In the future when I do get sad I just have to remember how fortunate I really am. God is good.
Being 6 hours ahead is not always fun though. When it is noon here it is only 6 am in Indy. I always feel like I can't talk to my family/friends till around 3-4 my time. Then at 7 I am off to dinner. I just feel so thankful for moving to Europe in this day and age. Back in the day when family left each other they didn't get in touch nearly as often as we do. They sent letters and postcards that would often take months to reach each other.
I get on Facebook and can see what all my friends/family are doing around the world. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside :) There is also a website that I can go to and pretty much watch any television show I want. That was the biggest concern of mine. I love watching reality shows and I thought to myself how am I going to get away from these for 2 years. Well now they have a site that lets you watch anything. I just feel so blessed. I feel that I have it so much easier then past generations. In the future when I do get sad I just have to remember how fortunate I really am. God is good.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I hate flying.
It is simple. No matter how hard I pray, no matter how many times I fly, I hate it. I cannot help it. I try and say oh this time it will be different. Nope. Every time the pilot says flight attendants prepare for take off, my stomach drops, and heart beats about 1 million times a minute. I pray, I can't sit still, I wonder how I will live if we crash in the water. Will there be sharks? Jellyfish? Other bodies that have too fallen down with an airplane? Then there is the thought of a crazy person on the plane. I always try to see if I can spot them. Like I would have any idea what a bad person would look like. Now the secret is out. Yes, sir I am sorry I was staring at you. You do have long hair, and you were checking your bag quite often.
Any who. This is just something that I don't think I can ever let go of. I mean why do people like flying? You are sitting there minding your own business when all of a sudden, the plane DROPS and you don't know where your stomach is anymore. It takes me at least 30 minutes to bring myself back to reality when IT HAPPENS AGAIN. I have a feeling that 3/4 of people that fly take some sort of prescription drug and drink heavily to pass out. I, on the other hand have to be alert because if something happens with the plane I am ready. Am I the only one that still listens to the flight attendants every time they do their safety spiel? I also back that up with looking at the guide just in case I forgot how to put the oxygen mask on. Oh and flight attendants don't worry about telling me to put my mask on before putting others on. That was already my mindset. I mean if I would let my child get stung by a bee just so I wouldn't, I think I can manage putting myself first when a plane is going down.
Why did God give me this life of world traveling when I am scared of everything? I mean if I could sleep with a ninja turtle nightlight for the rest of my life I would....
Any who. This is just something that I don't think I can ever let go of. I mean why do people like flying? You are sitting there minding your own business when all of a sudden, the plane DROPS and you don't know where your stomach is anymore. It takes me at least 30 minutes to bring myself back to reality when IT HAPPENS AGAIN. I have a feeling that 3/4 of people that fly take some sort of prescription drug and drink heavily to pass out. I, on the other hand have to be alert because if something happens with the plane I am ready. Am I the only one that still listens to the flight attendants every time they do their safety spiel? I also back that up with looking at the guide just in case I forgot how to put the oxygen mask on. Oh and flight attendants don't worry about telling me to put my mask on before putting others on. That was already my mindset. I mean if I would let my child get stung by a bee just so I wouldn't, I think I can manage putting myself first when a plane is going down.
Why did God give me this life of world traveling when I am scared of everything? I mean if I could sleep with a ninja turtle nightlight for the rest of my life I would....
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