Too much time is never a good thing

I have done so much thinking in the past year that I am shocked I am not in a straight jacket yet. I haven't had a job since last June and have had to fill 8 hours a day 5 days a week up with something. Before, when I worked I thought how lovely it would be to not have a job. The house would always look immaculate. Andy would never have to worry about his laundry and I would be so skinny that people would ask where I was. Well the last part is just wishful thinking. I love food too much :) Well what ends up happening is that these things don't take up that much time. Monday by noon the apartment is clean and by the night all the laundry is done. Well that leads to just working out for the rest of the week.

I started thinking about everything all the time. When was I going to die? Is God really real? What if Andy dies in a car accident when I am pregnant? What if he loses his job? What if we move to Switzerland and I hate it? What if my family and I lose touch and stop being as close as we are? Am I fat? Do I have real friends? Am I a good enough friend, sister, daughter, wife that I need to be? Who should I donate to this week? I really should be working. If I have this much time on my hands why haven't I done more with my life. OMG!!!!!!!!! Just writing these things down makes my head spin. And don't let this fool you, there were many more thoughts that went through my head.

I started realizing how anxious I was becoming. I had so much time on my hands that I didn't know what to do.  Too much thinking creates anxiety which then creates depression. I had to put a stop to it. God put the idea in my head that having too much going on in our lives is better than not enough. I know that I am not the person that wants to look back at my life at 82 and think life went way too fast. But there is such thing as a balance. We, humans, only need about 30 minutes to an hour a day to reflect on our day, pray etc. I was doing this for 8 hours a day. Thinking so hard about every little thing I did. It is okay to look at the clock at 5 and think where has this day gone? That means you kept busy and weren't bored out of your mind. I would rather at the end of the day think to myself, ahh I didn't get to that today, then what the hell am I going to do tomorrow. I now have the mentality that too much on my plate is the way to go.

Reading the bible, workouts, working on my books, reading books, keeping up those relationships with friends, getting outside, helping others is the way I want to live. I would rather be running from one event to the next wondering how I got that coffee stain on my shirt or losing sleep because I am creating a list in my head for the next day.

I never knew I would say this but I would way rather be overwhelmed then be nothing at all.