You always want what you can't have.

Since getting back from Indiana I thought to myself I need a job. I am bored, I am not contributing anything to society. The devil started sitting on my shoulder making me feel terrible about everything that was going on in my life. I fell into his trap and for a week or so thought very low of myself. I started forgetting all the wonderful things I do for Andy, myself and our marriage. The laundry is always done. The house is usually extremely clean. There is always something delicious in the refrigerator. If Andy needs a chore done, I am on it by the next day. All of this seemed to be a distant memory. Someone offered me a full time job and I immediately jumped on the career bandwagon. Well I do feel inadequate about being a stay at home housewife, so let's start working 40 hours a week. Landed an interview and started praying about what was next. It never ceases to amaze me how much God will pull you back to reality. God quickly made me realize how much I do for my marriage and Andy. I started feeling sick to my stomach thinking that if I was working full time none of the stuff that used to be done would now be weekend stuff. By weekend I mean Saturday till about 5, because that is when everything closes for the rest of the weekend. It isn't about the 30,000 paycheck I get each year to "contribute" to our family. I, unlike a lot of people don't have to work. I should feel extremely blessed and continue to thank God everyday for such a wonderful life. There are other ways God wants to use me and it doesn't have to be in the working world. I also have an amazing husband that says all he wants is my happiness. We don't need the money is what he shouts out very early on in our conversation. I instantly start crying and fall into his arms thanking him for being such a huge supporter. He is so thankful for every single thing I do in this marriage and he will never know how much it means to me. I sit here now realizing how much I love every single thing about my life. It took a week of feeling very vulnerable to a job interview to realize that. Sometimes we need to fall in a hole to see how wonderful our life truly is.