Choosing not to induce

We were given the option to have an induction for Baby G. When I heard these words I leapt for joy. The Swiss do not induce unless it is 10 days past the due date. The doctors were considering it for me because the baby was sitting on a nerve and I broke out with a beautiful rash all over my body. The remarks from the Doctors were always, well we would rather not induce but it is up to you. Oh, geeze, thanks, make me feel so good about wanting to be induced. You are left feeling utterly helpless because the best possible place for the baby is in my womb. We had an appointment on Friday, where we were told we would talk to the Dr about a possible induction. We get there, and I only was on the schedule to see a midwife. I am not going to lie, I cried when I was told the Dr would not see me. Once the tears came, they couldn't be turned off. Sorta like the scene in Alice in Wonderland where the tears are huge and keep falling only to scare everyone. Andy kept trying to console me, obviously making it worse. At the time I just wanted to lean into his chest and weep. This was not the time nor place. The midwives would have thought there was no heartbeat in the baby or something. I had to control myself. We were left to wait till Monday. Another weekend in Basel looking like a water buffalo, yipee my excitement could be heard by everyone. On the other hand I was happy that I had 2 days to pray and think about what my decision would be.

Friday is a bit of a blur seeing as I was just over life at that point. If I stared at the Britax Stroller one more time with nothing in it I was going to barf. Once I got over the disappointment I spent a lot of time praying. I just kept praying for clarity, peace, calmness and wisdom. Over and over I would just shoot up a "flare prayer" as Michelle Duggar calls it, a quick prayer up to Heaven. I also had a lot of people around me praying and boy did I ever feel those prayers. I felt a sense of comfort during these couple days. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by people that will take the time to pray for me. Hearing those few simple words of "praying for you" makes my heart happy. Well, and as we know, they are not simple words. They are words that define how our lives will be. On His path or our own. Lord knows I NEED His help.

Monday at 1:50 was our appointment. Woke up still not feeling confident as to what my decision was. Andy kept saying it was up to me, and I hated that pressure. I almost wanted him to just decide for us. All morning I prayed for guidance. In the back of my mind though I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be induced. I was already 2 days after my due date. Why not? We are tested by God and i felt as if He was saying, you are doing all of this praying, now you need to listen to it. I knew that God was putting it on my Heart NOT to induce. I had this overwhelming feeling that if I would have chosen induction I wouldn't have felt right about it. I felt it was a selfish decision and not honoring God. Most all babies come out when the time is right, when that time was is another question. As good as I felt about telling the Doctors no to induction, I still felt defeated. Half my heart was saying bring the baby out, and the other half had God's hand on it saying no. When reading the passage in James about being tested by God, God says he WILL test us but he will also get us through the test. We have to rely on Him. As much as I wanted to hold the baby in my arms I knew it just wasn't the right time. So, I sit here on Wednesday, still pregnant, waiting for the baby to come on it's own.