Past 2 weeks

Wow, has Amelie regressed a lot in these past two weeks. The girl won't let me put her down. If we are home she is a little better about being put down, she must be familiar with everything. When we are out and about she holds onto my shirt so tightly. I will have to say it is very cute. She is so dependent on me which is not usually like her. She is pretty independent. She likes to always be facing outwards. She can only be rocked facing out and never like a baby :) She won't let us put her pacifier in her mouth. She wants to do it, and boy does she cry if she can't do it...

When babies make a huge leap in their development they regress first before making the leap. I usually am someone that can see the light at the end of the tunnel and stay positive but I just simply couldn't do it. I was a mess. I had a couple of breakdowns to Andy. The hard part for me was we JUST got her to fall asleep basically anywhere for her naps. She no longer needed Mommy and Daddy to hold her during her naps. She also started falling asleep without a whimper. All she needed was a blanket and her paci. I had 2 weeks of bliss. I started thinking, oh this is why people have children. I actually did have a moment of, wow this is easy, should we try for baby number 2? I was able to actually do things during the day without her strapped to me. I started getting my identity back. I was able to paint my nails. I was able to go to the bathroom without her staring at me. I was able to clean the dishes from the night before. Andy and I were able to have conversations that didn't include, "When do you think she will start sleeping off of us?" It was lovely. I thanked God for this everyday, all day. Seriously. I had waited for this for 4 months.

Then it all came tumbling down. Amelie only wanted us again. When she was awake she was a mess. She was wanting to sleep like a newborn again. Literally she would wake from a 2 hr nap and want to sleep again. She started crying hysterically all. over. again. It was as if the nightmare had returned. Honestly I told God I was mad. God, why did you tease me? I would have rather not had that 2 weeks because now I know what life can be like without her 24-7. She is 5 months old today. Andy said we have to stop giving into her. She had a rough week where she needed us a lot but now we need to teach her she can't always be on us. He was so right, and I needed to hear this. Yesterday we started putting her in her crib again for all of her naps. I do feel manipulated as she fell asleep after about 10 min of crying each time :/ We also were out shopping yesterday and she fell asleep in the stroller for about an hour :) So I will say it is a mixture of her returning to her old self and us intervening to do what we need to do. Children don't know what is best for them. Only we do. This is the first real thing we are teaching her. It feels so good. I can get back to my duties. My identity is here to stay!

Rainy Sunday

Sometimes I feel like I was born to live outside. I remember when I was younger, I would just stare out the window wondering what was happening out in the world. Where were people going? What was the weather like? Curiosity arose daily. Maybe it is the fear of missing out. Wanting to be in a million places at once. Wanting to experience what 5 million other people are experiencing. I want to be at that Mexican Restaurant eating those chips and salsa, or at Sea on the enormous yacht. I can faintly hear the laughter from the kids riding their bikes. And the sporting events that happen every Saturday in the Fall.  
Being inside can be boring, well, unless there is great company. From what I can tell walls don't talk back. Being inside reminds me of all the things I should be doing. My to do lists haunt me, and that bathroom of ours never seems to just clean itself. Ugh. If only. Time seems to stop and while I don't like it, God does. He wants to remind me that life can not always be so speedy. We have to stop and smell the roses. We have to sit in silence to know what we really want out of life. We need to be bored. We need to desire more. We can't always be in a state of euphoria out in the world. It seems easier to run away from our home. To forget what needs to be tended too. To listen to other people's problems even if we are understanding every other word because it is in German-and we don't know them. It is important to have those rainy Sundays. To revaluate our lives, make those new to do lists and get a little bored. It is what fuels us to get back into the world tomorrow.

Being Alone with Ame

Andy had his first work trip this past week, which means Ame and I alone in Switzerland for the first time. She is now 4.5 months old so the anxieties that once haunted me were long gone. I was no longer worried about her waking up countless times in the night or needing to be held every 2 seconds. I am very confident in my ability to take care of Ame. I think it helped that I was in America for 3 whole weeks without Andy. I knew what his absence felt like. Although let's get serious I had help constantly. Every where I turned someone was willing to take her off my hands, but being alone at night is never fun. Does anyone really enjoy it? It is one thing to be alone during the day, but once the light turns to dark there is just something mysterious and creepy about the world. It seems that nothing good ever happens after a certain hour at night, say 12am. Maybe that is why I hit the hay so early :) Hey, 9pm is late... Ha, I try to stay awake longer but my body won't allow it. Keke needs her sleep. Okay back to the blog. I knew that worrying about Andy being gone would just make things worse. So I do what I always do and left everything to God. I prayed for peace to fill my heart. I prayed for Him to give me constant interactions during the day so I wasn't watching the clock. I prayed for the week to go by fast. I know, I know I usually hate to do this because let's face it time flies, but if I am honest I prayed for Thursday night to come quick.

I have to say I chuckled a bit when right after my prayer session I received a Facebook message from my friend Heidi in Austria saying that her and Bo are coming to Basel for the week. Wow, is God great. He sure knows what I needed. Heidi is always up to hang out and is just so go with the flow. She makes life so enjoyable and always has a smile on her face. Conversations are just effortless with her. I am comfortable talking about most everything with her. Even though we differ on certain issues (as most everyone does) we have loving conversations where we care about each others feelings. It is nice.

As, I have said before I do pray for the hard times. I pray for growth and spiritual depth. I knew this week would be a perfect chance for growth and perspective. I think about Army wives that have their husbands gone for months... I mean really think about this one. The husband is gone for months. And I am without him for a week. It doesn't mean that I can't be sad or feel lonely, it just makes it all a lot easier. If they can do months, I can do 5 nights. Oh, how I enjoy looking at the positive. I truly can feel the joy that Jesus offers to us in every situation.

Ame and I made sure we were out and about everyday all day so that when we arrived home nothing was stale. When I am out in the chaos of the city all day, I have a desire to come home and put my pj's on and watch an episode of Kardashians. When I am home all day, this is just the same stuff different day. We get bored fast. Of course God provided a million things for us to do. Coffee's, play dates, long conversations, and dinner dates. We were and are so blessed. I sure did feel loved.

Because of all of the fun and joy we had this week I didn't even mention the "stuff" that made it a difficult week. It seemed to take a backseat because I was able to see how God was providing for us. Ame was in a "wonder week" which means her brain was on overdrive. She is learning many new things and can't quite function like her old self. They equate it to when us adults have a presentation the next day and how badly our sleep is effected. Ame chose to regress to a newborn style. She woke up all night long the first night Andy was gone. She went back to wanting to be held the entire day. She wanted to sleep the day away. Her fussiness and moodiness were at a heightened level. It was rough. Andy and I had just felt that she was becoming so easy and then BAM, she regressed. It is only for a short time, and then a huge leap in their development happens. Similar to how we need to go to the hard places for growth, babies need to also. Without regression we have no progression. That is what keeps me calm on my days of hard.

Ame goes to America

Dear Amelie,

Do you know how many people love you? Oh my Lord. From the moment we stepped off that plane in Indiana you had people lining up to see your beautiful face. We had a million family members even at the airport waiting to meet you for the first time. You were 12 weeks before most of my family saw you. We all wished it could have been sooner.

You were pretty crabby for the first couple days. Makes sense seeing as jet lag hit you. Indiana is 6 hours behind Switzerland. YIKES. Once we got off the plane it was 2 am your time so you were not happy. You cried the entire car ride home. HA.

The first few mornings you got up about 3 am wanting to start your day. I fed you and made you sleep on me till 7 to get you on schedule. I was surprised that it really didn't take you that long to get on the time :)

From 3-4 months is one of the biggest transition for babies. You had some great days, and some not so great days. Your brain was developing constantly and sometimes babies cannot handle it. I tried nap training you but it really wasn't fair for you because we were out and about so much. I didn't think it was right to nap train you one day and then hold you the next. So I put nap training on hold and wore you in the Ergo baby for every nap!

We stayed at Marm and Steve's house first. Such a great feeling to wake up in such a secure place surrounded by people we love. Steve and Marm couldn't get enough of you. Always wanting to hold you and kiss you.

We stayed at Daddy's parents house too. Oh boy are they obsessed! They never wanted to put you down. Constant smiles and laughter the entire time :) I enjoyed the early morning coffees with your Grandma Missy. I always love our chats. The doggies loved you and kept kissing you every chance they got :) You slept great at their house. I only got up a couple times a night with you.

For the last 3 weeks we stayed at Aunt Mandy's and Uncle Dan's house. Would never be able to write down all the incredible experiences we all had together. There is so much love and joy in that house it is insane. Jesus sure does live there. Waking up to Sebastian and Cealy watching cartoons in the family room. Just waiting for you to come downstairs so they could hug you. Your cousins are obsessed with you. Sebastian would not leave you alone. It was hilarious. We had to be careful with him because he is only 2 and doesn't quite know what he can and cannot do yet. Cealy is so in love with you and kept saying how cute you were. I often caught her reading her books to you. Simply precious. You never liked the car so you would cry a lot during car rides. Cealy, Cruz and Seb never got frustrated with you. They knew you were just learning. Cruz comes over everyday and secretly comes over to you. He is not one to jump on you because that is not his personality. He will just kiss you and hug you without me even seeing. He has the biggest heart out of anyone I know. Your Auntie Nicole grabbed you every chance she got. When she was around I never held you bc she wanted you so much :) She always requests pictures of you too. She is one busy lady running your Grandpa Rex's and hers company.

We went to many dinners while back home. You will soon realize this is normal :) We love eating out. I am blessed you fall asleep in the carrier because if you get tired I can just put you in that. We went to the malls many of times too. We had cookouts so everyone could come see you. We had smaller dinners with the Gigaxes. I took you to Daddy's work and Opa's work. I dressed you so cute so everyone would see how cute you are! We tried to be outside as much as possible, just like in Switzerland :) We went to many parks with your cousins. They sure do love to run around and play together. You had so much fun and changed into a different baby by the end of the trip. Everyone said how big you were and how much happier you were. We will be back in the States in just a few short weeks!

Our Ame at 3 months

You have definitely gotten more comfortable with the outside world. You are starting to not cry as much and stay happy while awake. You have a wake time of about an 1hr 1.5 then you need a nap. We still hold you for all of your naps! Little stinker. My back is killing me from carrying you. I know I will miss it one day. Maybe....

You are still very clingy. Once you wake in the middle of the night you do not want to be put back in the crib. You would prefer sleeping on Mommy.

• I introduced formula to you in a bottle and you LOVED it. I was so worried you wouldn't take to a bottle but you did great. 
• You smile more and more now and it melts our hearts. It makes me forget all the hard stuff. 
• You still love being outside. I take you outside every single day to make sure you get some fresh air and see God's creations. It is awesome to see how interested you are now. You can finally see further away and all the colors! 
• Towards the end of 3 months you started to fall asleep in the swing. HALLELUJAH!! This is amazing for Mommy. I need to get some stuff done during the day and now have at least 45 minutes to do some chores. 
• You don't cry much at all before you fall asleep. You used to cry your lungs out when you were tired. The world knew miss Ame was tired :) 
• You will nap for hours on us but if napping somewhere else only about 45 minutes. So we sometimes rock you and sometimes put you down. 
• Your bedtime is now 8:30-9. This is nice for your parents because we can have some time to hang before bed :) 
• You are so very alert for your age and many people say that you do things way before you are supposed to... 
• You love this one book because when you touch it, it makes noises. 
• You love the colorful giraffe. It is one of your favorites. 
• You are starting to love blankets :) You get a blanket and a pacifier before naps and it pretty much soothes you to sleep! WAHOO! You only need the pacifier for a minute though and you end up spitting it out soon after. 

Until Month 4 Ame J. 

Observations on our Ame J. 4.5 months

• You are starting to get lots of hair! (4.5 months) 
• You are now sleeping 10-12 hours a night :) we thought we were going to have to do cry it out with you but you only ended up crying one night! Thank the Lord! 
• You are blowing raspberries. It. Is. The. Cutest. Thing. Ever. 
• You curl your feet when you are drinking your bottle. 
• When you see your bottle you go CRAZY like you have never eaten before. Daddy and I laugh at you constantly when you do this. 
• You breastfed for 4 months and then Mommy stopped. Formula is your food now. 
• You started teething last month. Now you drool ALL the time :) We used to not have to change you but once a day. Now we change you often! 
• You have a cough because of teething :( You have had it for a month now. I am so over it. Doesn't seem to bother you though. Sometimes you cough so hard that you projectile vomit your bottle everywhere :/
• You have the biggest blue eyes and everyone comments on them. I hope they stay blue. They sure are perfect. When you stare up at me with those eyes I can't help but get tears in my eyes. Cannot believe you are mine. 
• You constantly put your hands in your mouth and make noises. My favorite thing is when I go in to kiss you when you have your hands in front of your face and I see the smile under it all. Then you dart your eyes the other direction like, "Hey Mom, you can stop now."
• You squeak and make high pitch noises constantly. Your Dad and I laugh hysterically. You will wake up from a nap and just squeak until we come and get you. 
• You LOVE the bath now :) Any time we need to distract you from being tired we put you in the bath. You love splashing around now and love looking at this certain animal picture book. You could stay in the bath for hours. 
• You love when we tickle you under your neck. You start giggling and it is too much to handle. You make us all giggle. 
• You are starting to grab our faces when we pick you up. Can't handle the cuteness. 
• We left you for the first time with a random sitter last night. I was anxious as it was the first time but I knew everything would be just fine. It was your bedtime when we left anyway. When we got home, Carol, the babysitter said that once you realized we were gone you cried for about 5 minutes. Break my heart!!! 
• The way you smile at me melts my heart every time. I cannot believe God has blessed us with you. You are my best friend, my joy, my happiness. When I am with you and Daddy nothing else seems to matter. 

Is she really only 4 weeks?

I found myself in the early days of miss Amelie wanting time to fast forward. Days were longer than long. Anxiety awaited me at each new hour. I thought my life would never resume normalcy again. I didn't realize how easy my previous life had been. To say my world was rocked is an understatement.

 I honestly can say I am not ashamed for feeling this way. You will not see a blog from me saying "I wish I had embraced every moment." Survival mode. That is what I constantly told myself. I wanted her to be older. I needed her to be easier. I wanted so desperately to feel that sheer joy every single second that so many mothers feel. Peace has been placed on my heart by Jesus. Peace that it is okay to not LOVE the hard times. The hard times are where we grow the most spiritually, emotionally, physically etc, so I would be silly to say I don't welcome the hard. I have grown more in these past 4 months then I have in my entire life, but to say one enjoys every moment up until the growth would be a lie.