90 year old woman on the tram

The Swiss are not the most friendly but they sure do love children. The second Ame popped out people started smiling at me. It sure wasn't pleasant when I was pregnant, so they must need proof that it is a real baby coming out. And, who couldn't resist those blue eyes and that huge grin with those 2 small teeth peering out at you...

Ame and I were on the tram the other day. Ame loves her stroller but if we are parked she must get out right then and there. If I don't get her out she squeaks and screams till I get her out. If we weren't on the tram I would make her sit in there but the Swiss would just came and take her out anyway. :/

While I am holding her she takes notice to this very old woman sitting in the seat close to her. This woman is very old, 90's is being generous. Wrinkles all over and barely any teeth. I couldn't help but get this overwhelming feeling of life and death. Ame represents life, a new beginning. The old woman represents death, moving onto a new life. They both had this instant connection. Ame loves people but this was different. She wouldn't stop staring, smiling and her curiosity was overwhelming. The old woman was touched and had a sparkle in her eyes.

I couldn't help but think how fast life can go. If I were the woman I would want to tell the young lady to enjoy all these precious moments, they go quickly. She is staring death in the face, and Ame, life. 2 opposites yet both will and have faced.

We have to smell the roses. We can't run through life. I don't want to be the old woman on the tram who wishes she would have lived in the moment and enjoyed those precious moments.

Ame in America for Christmas

Ahhh. Christmas in Indiana is the best time of the year. Getting together with family and friends for weeks is the best feeling in the world. You have so many people that love you and want to be with you all the time. It was so cute to see you and Sebastian this time together because you two really started playing together. This was such a fun time to be home with you because you are such an easier baby. Your naps are still not great but the fact that you sleep through the night 7-7 is amazing. I can do anything during the day if I am sleeping that much at night!

Andy and I were able to get out a lot and leave Ame with her grandparents. This was so nice to get out just the two of us. It is so important for us to have alone time. It is also nice to know Ame is being so well taken care of. We are so blessed with such loving family that were and are willing to take her at any moment. I was able to really refresh my batteries while I was home :) It was a beautiful 5 weeks!

Some notes I wrote down about Ame J during this time
You love when we tickle your neck
You finally started taking longer naps halfway through our trip. So you were 6.5 months! This is life changing :)
You have started to play a lot by yourself now. You are content most of the time now. It allows me to have a life outside of you. :)
Everyone seriously says you are the happiest baby ever. I get compliments about you daily. Everyone is very smitten with your hilarious personality.
You sleep 7-7. WAHOO.
Nights before bedtime are not as bad as they used to be. I still have to hold you a lot and I brought out the bjorne a lot so I could wear you around while still doing stuff.
You love the exersaucer in America. It is stimulating CITY. I put you in this in the morning and I drink my coffee. It is a wonderful time :)
You don't love avocado, green beans or peas. Although we still try and feed it to you! Greens are important.
Still only 2 teeth!
You are our cuddle bug. If I let you, you would just cuddle with us on the couch for hours. I will never get sick of this. You are the sweetest.
You love Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Baby einstein Lullaby.
In America you started to love the car. You were happy as a lark in the car and when you were tired you would just go to sleep.
Started sitting up by yourself at 6.5 months. This is huge as well because you are just happy because of this.
You are so chill and just go with the flow. We are BLESSED!!!!

Ame J lately...7 months

I don't quite keep up perfectly with her months on this blog because I have her baby book and also this thing called Smashbox that I put all notes and random stuff in. Plus I keep notes on my phone of things she does and lots and lots of pictures. I have to say I am proud of myself for keeping all of these memories documented. If any of you know me you know I am the least bit creative and it takes me a long time to even think to do this stuff. I realize that with baby number 2 it is going to be SO much harder to document but that is ok. The one reason why I am so adamant about doing this for Ame is because she is traveling the world at such a young age. Obviously she won't remember any of this, sorry Ame. SO it is up to us to help her remember later in life. I have no idea how much traveling you will do in your future, SORRY.

You are now 7 months old, almost 8 on Monday. I have cried 3 times this week thinking of that. :(
You started scooting backwards a few weeks ago. Today I found you under the table.
You have an obsession with pulling things out of our Sprout bag. You could do this for hours, it is nice for me :)
You have just started this hilarious laugh that your Dad and I can never stop laughing at. It sounds like an old man. Hu Hu Hu.
You still are obsessed with baths and to get you to stay up till 7 we have to give you a bath every night at 6. You will stay in forever. You love your rubber ducky and of course your books. This is my favorite time with you because I read your books to you and we always say our prayers :)
You are obsessed with your dad. Every time you see him your arms go crazy and you get this huge smile on your face. Melt my heart.
You are starting to understand peek a boo.
I showed you a picture the other day of you with a pacifier in your mouth and so you picked the pacifier up off the floor and put it in your mouth. I was stunned.
You are trying SO many foods. Here in Switzerland they mix tons of veggies and fruits together as baby food. It is amazing because you are tasting EVERYTHING. In America they make baby food single items and they puree them to be complete liquid. It is nice here because the food is chunky so you are getting used to swallowing things.
The Winter Olympics are on now and we watch with you sometimes. You get pretty giddy especially at curling haha.
I am pretty sure you are going through a growth spurt, teething, brain development insane life change now because your naps are great and you are waking every morning anywhere from 5-6!!!!! Mommy has had to pray a lot to be at peace with this. This is a rough time to wake up when it is still so dark out.
You got the stomach flu a few weeks ago after we got back from America. It was so terrible and Mommy cried many times. Dad was very sad too. It was a very rough week. We are so glad that is over. You have gotten a fever a lot with teething too.
You do this fishy face with your lips and when you do it you are so confused to how you did it. Cutest thing EVER.
You are the most curious thing ever. Every time I take you out of your crib you look around frantically like "what am I missing." What is that? What is that?? It's awesome.
You love our glasses and always try and take them off
You have started to throw temper tantrums if we take something away from you. How does it start this early!?!?!?!? You scream LOUDLY!
You also let us know with your set of lungs if you don't like something. If we leave the room and you are sad the world is ending in your eyes.
You are still a big eater :)

Babywise-Ugh

Not going to lie I thought I had it all figured out before Ame came. I read all the books and had the most structured routine any Momma could have. Her life and my life  our lives, were set. Now sitting here with a 7 month old sleeping in the other room I realize how much I didn't know. I didn't know how much she would rock my world, and how clingy she would be. I thought I would be the woman at starbucks with the cute baby sleeping in the stroller. I had no idea I would be wearing her every single day for 4 months. I had no idea the sleepless nights would make me a monster. These are all things that we so wish we could plan for but we can't. We just have to trust Jesus and ask Him for strength. I wanted to do it my way. God had other plans.

I am not going to lie when I look back I get a little sad about how much I missed out on. I was so worried about getting Ame to be her own self and stop being so clingy that I missed all the beautiful snuggles. I missed all those baby kissed I could have had because I was trying to make her cry in her crib. I was so mad that I had to put her in the carrier every time I left home. Now I would die for another day of that. Ame is so independent now. She never needs that carrier. She loves riding in her stroller. She loves taking naps in her crib and sleeping 12 hours at night. I will say what I am thankful for is setting up an eating schedule. I set her up to eat every 3 hours and that really paid off. I didn't have a baby stuck to my boob every single second. I could breathe. I have had my fair share of cry out moments where I think I will never get those precious moments back. Ame will never be an infant again. God was trying to tell me this when it was happening but I wouldn't listen. So many things I will do differently with my 2nd. So many. I am not that hard on myself though because it was such a life changing event that know one can truly describe. When you are in the midst of it you never think your life will go back to normal. You never think you will sleep again, or cuddle with your husband again, or chat on the phone again, or watch a reality show again. Hindsight is 20/20. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I never thought Ame would sleep through the night. I never thought I would have a clean house again. Or my loving relationship with my husband. It made me weak in my knees. I will embrace breastfeeding with my 2nd and realize what a gift it is. I will also pump this time. Geeze, I made life difficult!!! God says to never look back but to start fresh now. I don't want to agonize over what I missed rather look forward to our future adventures. You are truly my joy and light Ame J. I am obsessed with you.

New devotional

My new devotional has taught me I have so much to learn. It is almost funny how much I thought I had figure out about life and I was thrown down to my knees. Our entire lifetime will be about learning and soul searching. This just blew me out of the water. How much more soul searching I have to do. How much closer to God I can be. How many more obstacles in my life I will go through. I haven't done anything yet. I am excited for this new journey. This new soul searching that will forever change the person I am. Bring it on God, I am ready for the challenge.

Ame and her early mornings

Ame wakes up every morning at a different time. I was getting so used to 7 and 7:30 though so now when she wakes at 6 am I want to scream. Sometimes even 5 or 5:30 UGHHH. I hate looking at the clock and being SO mad that it is SO early. But it isn't even that early. I used to get up at 5:30 to work out with my mom and then have a full day of teaching. I have always woken up early. So why now that I have a kid is 6 so early?? I think it is because I got used to the 7-7:30 thing and it was pure bliss. When I have prayed to God to change my heart over this matter I get my answer. It is a phase. This is not a forever thing. When Ame is a certain age she can snuggle in our sheets and watch cartoons while we snooze a little longer. When she is older she will be going to bed later and therefore waking up later. I just have to take ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sometimes I go crazy thinking this is my new life. But it isn't. This too shall pass. When I am older and the kids are gone I will be begging for someone to wake me up. How do I know this? Because when I was here, jobless, without Ame I would long for a purpose to my day. I would have given anything for an early start to my day. I just have to take one morning at a time. On the plus side during the Summer the sun is up by 5 :) Now that will be fun. Ame and I can take early morning walks!!!

A few notes about the author

I want to get to a point in my life where I am not hard on myself. I want to get to a point where I embrace of single weird thing about myself and know that it is what Jesus loves. I want to feel confident and secure in every single moment. I know it is a work in progress but I am working hard at achieving this. 

Some things I keep trying to change about myself and if I could just tell myself that I will never be this person then I CAN MOVE ON. 

I hate shaving my legs and in the Winter I rarely do. I hate plucking my eyebrows. I hate getting my hair done, and hate doing my own hair out of a box. I like wearing the same clothes over and over again. I hate brushing my teeth at night. UGH. I hate going to bed late. I hate diets. I hate that I love facebook, but it connects me to the world I feel so far from. I hate that I love reality television. I keep running into more and more people who think people who like this are terrible people. Well guess what. I love it and I am happy about it. It is my escape. I hate blow drying my hair. I hate reading fantasy novels. It never could happen so why am I wasting my time. I hate that I love fast food!! Although I rarely eat it now. Reading all these back I guess it is I just hate grooming. HAHA. I just hate taking so much time everyday to take care of myself. I feel that there is so much more to do then spend 1 hr on makeup. I just need to own the fact that I am perfectly fine with no make up, bushy eyebrows and long haired legs. I now own it. 

What I do love. 

Smiles. Giggles. Kissing Ame's chubby cheeks. Kissing Ame every single second. Kissing Andy. Sending sweet text messages to Andy or silly ones. Singing (even though I am terrible) Making people laugh. Showering. My Jesus time. My coffee. My water bottle. My SLEEP. At least 8 hours. My family is EVERYTHING. Walking, I love walking. I love taking everything in as I am walking around a city. So much to see. I love organization and being CLEAN. I love cleaning. I love doing laundry. Weird I know. It is my zen. When I am in my kitchen cleaning the dishes I am in a very happy place. Listening to Jesus songs. Cuddling. A good snapchat. A good laugh. I love to take a very deep breath. I love listening to relaxation music. I love being calm, I really have had to work on being calm and patient. I love the state I am in when I am calm. It is a euphoria. I love Starbucks. I love a good chat with a friend where I leave and think what did we talk about? I love sunshine. I also love rainy days, makes us stop and smell the roses. I love feeling healthy. I love clean sheets. I love sleeping with one sock on and one sock off. I love my room cold so I can snuggle with the sheets. I love living in cities where there is so much to do. I love life. Most of all I love our Heavenly Father. Without him I would be nothing. 

Writing

Sometimes writing gets me so overwhelmed that I just stop writing because I have so much to write about. I have all these post it notes about new topics and when I see them I just push them to the side. I can't possibly get to all of those. I don't want to write about THAT, I want to write about something different. I have come to the conclusion that it is just about writing. When I write I feel such a sense of relief. My perfect day would be to have my devotional time with Jesus (1 hour) and have lots of time for writing. Anything else that happens in the day is fine by me. Maybe a hint of Kardashians... Always loads of time with my Ame J. Everything is around her.

I need to stop thinking that every post needs to be perfect. Or funny. This isn't going to be published. It is for me, and the maybe 2 people that read this. It is about my life and it is to get all my crazy thoughts out of my head. Some people run, I write. Who really likes running?

Sick daughter and husband

Ever since we have come home from America Ame has been sick. She got the stomach flu the first week back,  so that + jet lag = a nasty combination. She will have one day of feeling better and then poof, teething enters. She has had some pretty high fevers leading to some very stressful days. I went running through the streets of Basel one day to get to her Doctor before he closed. I was greeted by the nurse who swiftly told me to calm down and take a seat. I had already called Andy and I knew he was on his way. Unfortunately though tears don't stop when Andy comes, they start flowing, and nothing I can do will stop them. I don't know what it is, I do it whenever my Dad enters a situation too. I could have been fine for hours but the second my Dad walks in to save the day I start literally weeping. Ha. Must be that I feel so protected by the 2 men in my life. Knowing that I can let all my walls down and be safe in their arms. Knowing there is absolutely no judgement at all. I can just be me. It is great when I am at home but not in a Swiss Dr's office. The Swiss are very conservative and would never cry in front of others. So, here the crazy thing we call life becomes,  my 7 month old screaming daughter, and her crazy English speaking mother trying to make sense of what is wrong with my girl. Why is she such a mess? The nurse ever so politely told me to stop crying. She said baby should never see me cry. I understand her point, and normally I would never cry in front of her. Unless I am leaving my family behind in America, then there is no chance. Sorry Ame. It was my first hand of bad child sickness and I was just not equipped. Well I was because I have Jesus to help me, but I did feel alone. I am supposed to make her better and I couldn't. Anyway Dr. Hertz gave us medication for her teething-stomach bug pain and we were on our way home. 

This was about 2 weeks ago and every day is different with her. One day she is giggling uncontrollably and the next she is crying and shaking. It sure has taught me to not take her healthy happy days for granted. When she is sick I realize how amazing of a baby I have. She is always content and CHILL. I am blessed. Andy has now been sick for a WEEK. This never happens. He always gets sick for 24 hours and sleeps those 24 hours ( Great for the Mother) and it is gone after that. Not this time. Not the time when Ame is extremely sick. All I can say is I have been tested. I have had to pray so many prayers to God. How can I do this? I want to be patient with Andy but really, he is sleeping again?? I have to do everything, seriously???? I have a clingy daughter who will not be put done. All. Day. and a husband that moans every 10 minutes and says how tired he is. It is a lot of fun. I always pray for God to show me perspective. And boy does He ever. I think about people with daily illnesses. Illnesses that never go away. I think of my amazing cousin Adam who lives with a disease. Ashley and Adam have to pick up the pieces daily and deal with this. Throughout this experience it has made me so thankful for my circumstances. SO thankful I don't have a baby in the cancer unit. So thankful my husband will get cured of this soon. My patience has been tested every single moment but this journey has allowed me to see so much more. God brings us to the hard places because he wants us to rely on him. Did he think I would call on Him this much? Ha, jk. I know He is delighted.