Babywise-Ugh

Not going to lie I thought I had it all figured out before Ame came. I read all the books and had the most structured routine any Momma could have. Her life and my life  our lives, were set. Now sitting here with a 7 month old sleeping in the other room I realize how much I didn't know. I didn't know how much she would rock my world, and how clingy she would be. I thought I would be the woman at starbucks with the cute baby sleeping in the stroller. I had no idea I would be wearing her every single day for 4 months. I had no idea the sleepless nights would make me a monster. These are all things that we so wish we could plan for but we can't. We just have to trust Jesus and ask Him for strength. I wanted to do it my way. God had other plans.

I am not going to lie when I look back I get a little sad about how much I missed out on. I was so worried about getting Ame to be her own self and stop being so clingy that I missed all the beautiful snuggles. I missed all those baby kissed I could have had because I was trying to make her cry in her crib. I was so mad that I had to put her in the carrier every time I left home. Now I would die for another day of that. Ame is so independent now. She never needs that carrier. She loves riding in her stroller. She loves taking naps in her crib and sleeping 12 hours at night. I will say what I am thankful for is setting up an eating schedule. I set her up to eat every 3 hours and that really paid off. I didn't have a baby stuck to my boob every single second. I could breathe. I have had my fair share of cry out moments where I think I will never get those precious moments back. Ame will never be an infant again. God was trying to tell me this when it was happening but I wouldn't listen. So many things I will do differently with my 2nd. So many. I am not that hard on myself though because it was such a life changing event that know one can truly describe. When you are in the midst of it you never think your life will go back to normal. You never think you will sleep again, or cuddle with your husband again, or chat on the phone again, or watch a reality show again. Hindsight is 20/20. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I never thought Ame would sleep through the night. I never thought I would have a clean house again. Or my loving relationship with my husband. It made me weak in my knees. I will embrace breastfeeding with my 2nd and realize what a gift it is. I will also pump this time. Geeze, I made life difficult!!! God says to never look back but to start fresh now. I don't want to agonize over what I missed rather look forward to our future adventures. You are truly my joy and light Ame J. I am obsessed with you.