Can you define happiness?

I've always wondered what it would be like to be truly happy. Is it to have more money? More clothes? More time with family? I believe I finally found my happiness. Faith.

Now this doesn't believe that everyday I achieve full happiness. It is a constant battle that leads me to God everyday. I have always been a somewhat happy person but found myself a lot of times not feeling happy in the exact moment. The feeling of wanting to be somewhere else that very moment. Well what good is that? Every time I do something, I want to be doing something else. Am I even living? This lead me to pray everyday to feel content with my life. Not the content of I like where my life is headed, but the feeling that every second is perfect and I would rather be no where else.  Why would I be hanging out with my sister in Indiana, wishing I was with Andy in England? Doesn't this just leave a person feeling empty inside? Well it did me. I was feeling that I should always be doing something bigger and better.

Through a continual prayer, God has allowed me to feel content at every moment. I now see things about Celia that I never would have seen because I was busy thinking about people on Facebook. Oh, I wonder where that person is going out tonight. I was missing out on the little phrases Celia says that are so funny. Or I miss the way she always flings her hair back so fast so to not miss a second of what she is playing with. Or with Cruz. My little Cruz who is such a snuggler. If I am on my phone and or computer thinking of something else I miss him tapping on my shoulder. Or smiling behind me for no reason at all. All of these precious moments in my life not wasted anymore because I have found how to be content. It is not about worrying how the next day will be. It is about seeing what is in front on you today.

Thanks Lord for helping me find this.

Sebastian and Nancy.

Okay so this morning was a rough one. My nephew, Sebastian was born with a heart murmur and today was the day the heart doctor decided if he needed surgery on his heart. Obviously this made us all just so sick to our stomachs. This little 5 month old boy that does nothing but smile might have to get heart surgery. All I have been doing is praying about it. Praying, Praying and more praying.

I couldn't sleep last night just thinking about this appointment. Amanda, my sister, wanted me to go with her for support. I of course said yes without hesitation. I prayed that I would find the right words to say to her during the visit, but are there any right words? I was trying to read Celia books and I was shaking because I was so scared. All I could think about was what was going through Mandy's head.

We go into the ultrasound room, and there was Nancy. I believe she was sent from God to be there with us that very moment. She instantly made us feel at ease. She put on cartoons for Celia and proceeded to talk to us about life. She must know how hard it is to have your own child sitting on a bed getting an ultrasound done on his heart. Nancy makes it seem like it is just another Monday. How could she act like this though,  she sees kids with cancer everyday of her life. Shouldn't she be angry? Hostile? Wanting more from life then seeing sick people? The answer to all of that is simply no. She feels happy to be alive everyday and wants the world to know it.

Nancy says she has learned so many lessons from these children. If we give up in our minds and think our time here on Earth is over, then it is. If we make the choice to get up everyday with a positive attitude then we can overcome most everything. Children that have a disease don't feel sorry for themselves because they don't know any better. When we adults come down with something we instantly feel like our time is up. We are defeated and nothing can change that. We let our minds drift off into this dark abyss and we never return to our happy place. Now I am not saying this for all people. I know plenty of adults in my life that have stared death in the face and not missed a beat of life. Nancy decided that she is going to wake up everyday and be happy. Can you say the same?

All in all today was a day I will remember for the rest of my life. Not only because my little Sebastian is okay but because I learned something unforgettable. I learned that it is important to be happy everyday no matter what the circumstances. You never know what the mind can overcome.

2012. New Year, new ideas.

2012 is going to be a big year for me. I have decided that I am done trying to fit the mold of what people want me to be. I have so many friends/family with so many ideas that I cannot possibly make them all happy. I am always so worried about how people view me and that isn't what life is about. It is MY life and I have to live for me. The one person I should be worried about it my husband and God. I know it will be a daily struggle to do this but it is so very important to show people who I am.

This is who I am....

• Working out and being healthy make me so happy
• Love having a routine. 
• Love getting up early
• Love going to sleep by 10-11
• I don't really care for alcohol that much. So I am over drinking because people want me too. It is my body. 
• I love reality T.V. I am done making apologies for that 
• I love being in sweatpants/yoga pants during the day, motivates me to work out 
• I love fashion
• I love the idea of being thin. I have prayed about this forever and it never leaves my mind. Therefore I have to get back to the weight where I feel happy. I don't need to eat just because someone wants me too. 
• I don't really care to go out. I love going out to dinner and going home to watch a movie. That is my idea of a fantastic night. 
• I don't like heels really, I am done wearing them because I think I should. 
• I want to be a mom in the next 2-3 years. I don't care what age I will be and don't care what people think. It is my life. 
• Love being outside. I pray a lot when I get outside and stare at God's beautiful creations. 
• I am sporty. I will never be a girlie girl. I just need to accept that about myself. I will always be a tomboy. This is how God made me :) 
• I absolutely LOVE being married. I never thought I would love it this much. Why am I making excuses for being married young and why I am happy. Who cares!! I am the happiest I have ever been.